Am I Worthless?

Navigating Sexual Trauma As a Teen: Tara’s Story

Tara* remembers “that night” like it was yesterday. With a cast on her leg after a recent injury, she planned a quiet night at home. However, an acquaintance she had known for a short while sent a text saying he was in front of her house and wanted to hang out. She had met him at an event, and he had been nice to her, so she didn’t see the harm. There were no red flags.

To her surprise, when she got dressed and went outside, he wasn’t alone in the car; he was in the back with two other guys in the front. While in the car, it became obvious they should not have been driving. “They were drunk and high. They were swerving and hitting mailboxes,” she says. They drove to one of the guys’ house where a bunch of other people were drinking and playing games. Once there, the ‘friend’ began touching and kissing her and she obliged, not knowing how far it would go. Things escalated quickly.

Before she knew it, he took her to a bedroom, and his friends came in to watch. When they passed a condom, Tara told them she was not ready and that it was too much. She had never had sex before and wanted to wait. “I just didn’t have that power in me to use the word ‘no’ but I was clear about not wanting to do it,” she recalls. Despite her cries, his friends were taking pictures/videos, removing her cast, and holding her down. She felt powerless and scared. She didn’t have a way home as they drove her there.“I didn’t want them to do anything to me and leave me on the streets,” she shared. When they were done, they called her a ride, mocking her and questioning if she was worth the Uber money. When Tara got home, she sat in the bathroom for hours, crying and bleeding.

Tara woke up with bite marks all over her body. She was horrified and disgusted with herself. She didn’t utter a word about it to her family–not even her twin, as she feared being misunderstood or being involved in a police case. She did tell a few of her friends but they carried on like nothing happened and continued being friends with that boy. When she saw him and his friends at an event a few weeks later, they didn’t show a glint of remorse.

It was like the whole world kept moving like nothing had happened. Tara was sinking deeper into self-doubt and self-sabotage. Her friends’ lack of reaction devastated her. “I felt like a nobody. I was just an object for guys to use. If they don’t respect me, why should I?” she said. “That night” was three years ago, but Tara continued to struggle. When her family found out, they were furious and wanted to contact the police; They also blamed her for going out when she wasn’t supposed to, which made her feel helpless and alone like it was her against the world. Struggling with depression and thoughts of worthlessness, Tara’s life became a downward spiral for three years.

At some point, Tara realized that her mental health and self-value were dangerously deteriorating. She was scared for her future and decided to reach out to The Women’s Center and start her journey of healing with therapist Venise Darisme LPC.

“If it wasn’t for my therapist, I don’t know what I would do with my life. She looks at what I had gone through with an unbiased perspective, focusing on facts and hearing my voice. She has helped me become a stronger person who knows how to say “no.” I am discovering my self-worth and learning techniques to calm down when I get depressed or angry. It hasn’t been long, but I’m already feeling better and managed to strengthen the connection with my family.”

Tara is a freshman studying full-time and working full-time at a hospital, hoping to pursue nursing and help people in need. “I see how Venise is helping people mentally, and I want to do the same physically through nursing,” she beams.

Some might say Tara didn’t make the smartest decisions that night, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to do what those boys did to her. She didn’t have a reason not to trust them before getting into that car. Sadly, Tara’s experience is more common than one would think as rates of sexual violence against youth aged 12-18 are very high. Survivors usually know the person who committed the offense. According to CDC, about 8% or 10 million girls and 0.7% or 791,000 boys under 18 have experienced either rape or attempted rape. Going through such a traumatic experience can profoundly impact an adolescent’s mental health. The Women’s Center is committed to helping teens like Tara heal and rediscover themselves. A Virginia Health Care Foundation grant primarily funds our Adolescent Mental Health Program.

If you or someone you know is struggling to cope mentally after a traumatic experience, please book an appointment by calling the Women’s Center at (571) 385-1625 (Vienna location) or (202) 293-4580 (DC location). Please visit our website for more information.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the client.